So you made it once again. Another Monday muscled through, another hump day bumped, and it’s Rebecca Blacks favorite day at last. While you (and Dunkin Donuts) may credit the victory to the gratuitous amounts of coffee you’ve been running on, we would like to dedicate this day to your ironclad determination and willpower. You’ve done enough work for one week, and probably two, so here’s some fast and effective ways to turn down the weekend work advances of your superiors.
Disclaimer: We accept no liability for any negative consequences these methods may incur against your position. However, we will accept gratitude for an awesome weekend.
Kickin’ It Old (Pre) School
Let’s start off with an old classic. It may have died for a good reason, but we are bringing it back for a better one. As with all classics, comebacks are inevitable, and this one is about due. To put it simply: “Talk to the Hand.” Given the time gap between now and the last instance your boss was subjected to this preschool gesture, the correct word for their reaction may be “flabbergasted.” While their mind rears in search of an appropriate response to the archaic form of rejection, you should feel free to slip out the door and commence a free, hard-earned weekend.
Missouri’s Finest
What could possible top the hand? The Kansas City Shuffle. This maneuver requires one part finesse, and one part eyes-of-a-hawk. The idea is simple enough: they look left, you go right. The key here is in the preparation and spotting of the perfect time to execute. There must be a life of sight obstruction between you and the victim. Much like avoiding a subpoena, the method here is to completely avoid the confrontation while innocently appearing as though you never noticed. Upon detection by your boss at the end of the day, stutter-step to the left around a different path towards him/her. They will assume your chosen path and with face your anticipated arrival point. It is at this time that you reverse stutter-step to the right and exit the building unnoticed.
Beginners Beware
There is one more method, but it is so devilishly, nay! perilously expert in nature, that not all of you will succeed. For the veteran weekenders here with us today, I do propose to you, “The Doppelganger.” As frighteningly bold as it may sound, the purpose is to convince others that you are not, well… you. When five o’clock is fast approaching, and you sense the weekend work request is imminent, quickly change clothes and walk around the office asking where you are. Soon, you will need to explain that you are not you, but are in fact your twin that you rarely mention because of a sailing accident in ’98 that left you utterly embarrassed of your blood relation. Since you are not you anymore, you cannot be assigned extra work and are thus free to leave unburdened.
Now go forth and enjoy your weekend!
